Friday, March 6, 2009

A Taxing Situation

The mayor, in his infinite wisdom, has decided that we should not tax rich people such as Mike Bloomberg. Instead, we should do much smarter things, such as threaten to lay off 15,000 teachers, or raise the sales tax. Anyone should be able to see the logic in this:

Rich people generate jobs and taxes with the expensive things they buy and the fancy restaurants where they eat, Bloomberg said.

Exactly. If Bloomberg were to raise taxes on the wealthy, they would clearly stop buying things and begin starving themselves. Either that or the lines at McDonald's would reach epic proportions as CEOs and mayors queued up to buy from the dollar menu.

Bloomberg has a MUCH better idea. He wants to increase the sales tax in order to raise a billion dollars. By doing that, poor ignorant commoners such as yourself can pay an ever increasing percentage of your income so that Mikey can continue to dine at the Four Seasons. On the bright side, your line at McD's will be shorter, assuming you can still afford the dollar menu.

"The first rule of taxation is ... you can't tax too much those that can move," said Mayor Mike, who, although he is the richest man in New York, shows no signs of wanting to move. Perhaps this is the best reason of all to RAISE taxes on the rich--maybe we can induce hizzoner to move somewhere that doesn't tax him so much, like Wasilla, Alaska. Of course, there he'd be eating mostly moose that Sarah Palin shot from a helicopter, but it's better than paying those damn taxes.

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