A Solution to School Closings

It seems to me that if we want to stop BloomKlein from closing schools, we have to think like them. So follow me, if you will, with about 10% of your brain, which is about what they use.

What we need to do is build a one foot wall of snow around schools that the chancellor intends to close, like Jamaica HS. Now, such a tiny wall won't keep even troll sized people like the mayor out, but that's not the idea. Once we build the wall, we have Michael Mulgrew demand that the schools be closed due to snow. The one thing that BloomKlein will NEVER do is close the schools with less than two feet of snow on the ground, and sometimes not even then. Viola--the schools stay open.

I know this won't last beyond the winter, but the next solution will have to wait because I can't think like BloomKlein for even a minute longer. It'll be hard enough to get the drool stains out of my clothes as it is.

More School Closings

It leaked online today that 8 out of the top 100 high schools in the country are in NYC. In keeping with his recent policies, Joel Klein immediately announced the closure of all eight schools.

"It's the right move for this city," said Klein. "It's a disgrace that we have only 8 of the top 100 schools. So, I'm closing them all and opening four new small schools in each of their buildings. By doing so, we are effectively quadrupling the number of top schools in NYC, bringing the total number to...what's 8 times 4 again? Thirty something."

Mayor4Life Bloomberg applauded the move, saying the data bears Klein out. "Yes, 32 is much larger than 8. I'm a billionaire, so I know these things."

A Stopped Clock

Well, I have to admit I was wrong. I thought there was no way they were going to close the schools today, but they did. I was lucky, because I was restless at 6AM, turned on the TV and heard "This just in....NYC Public Schools are closed today." So I turned over and went back to sleep, and at 10AM snagged some great tickets to the St. John's game at Citifield, which I never could have gotten while at work. So, thanks Joel Klein! You got one right (I don't think I have ever said those words in a non-snarky way before).

Of course, Klein should have closed the schools by 10PM last night. By waiting until 6AM, he threw a lot of parents into a frenzy and upset a lot of plans. It was clear to anyone looking at a radar map that it was going to snow a ton, but I heard Klein say that he wasn't sure we'd really have as much snow as they said so he waited. So, thanks, Joel Klein! Don't forget to use data to drive your decisions! (the non-snark doesn't last long).

Get Your Snowshoes

The predictions are dire. From 6 to 12 inches of snow will fall on the city overnight, while it continues actively snowing until 10AM tomorrow. This means roads won't be plowed and driving will be extremely dangerous.

And NYC Public Schools will be open.

Mind you, not a single parochial or private school will be open. They close when the wind blows. Still, public school teachers and students clearly aren't worth the trouble it would cause the Mayor to close them. If you recall, in the snowstorm of February 2006, a record was set when more than 26 inches of snow fell on the city, and the public schools were open. Of course, that was different, because the snow fell on a Sunday and the streets were plowed by Monday morning. Never mind that there were no spots to park your car, and that sidewalks weren't cleared. Never mind that scads of parents kept their children home and school was little more than a babysitting service. The show must go on.

The mayor himself, of course, will be taking public transportation to work, after his servants pick him up at his mansion and drive him to the station. He's a trooper. He just can't understand why those whiny teachers don't want to risk their lives driving in horrendous conditions so that we can give out crossword puzzles to the 7 kids of 34 who show up.

On the plus side, we get to sharpen our crossword skills. Anyone know today's 17 down? (a sphincter--2 words, 14 letters).