I'm tired of all you teachers out there whining about how you want your 4% raises and your stupid health care. Is that all you can think about--feeding yourself and your family? There are bigger fish to fry. Do you realize that there are wealthy people out there whose bonuses have been cut? Yes! It's true! Just because Wall Street types and bankers nearly ran this economy into the ground with their reckless behavior, Obama wants to limit their bonuses. Can you imagine?Well, Mayor4Life Bloomberg is not going to sit still for that! No-sir-ee! We need bankers to get those bonuses, because when the rich get more money, they spend it on things like yachts, which helps the economy. And if that weren't enough, they pay taxes on the portion of their bonuses that they haven't managed to stash away in Swiss bank accounts, which also keeps the economy humming. If the government gave money to common scum like you and me, we'd just do something stupid with it, like pay for our children to go to the doctor or keep our houses from being foreclosed on, which doesn't help the economy at all.
Bloomberg is going to be pro-active on this. He always is when it comes to defending the rich--that's the kind of guy he is. The last time the rich were threatened with--gasp!--a tax increase, Bloomberg went on the radio and declared, "We love the rich people!" This time, facing an even bigger threat in the form of reduced bonuses, Bloomberg has offered to personally give every rich person a handjob.
But even the prospect of a happy ending from Bloomberg may not be enough to satisfy the wealthy. Bloomy knows this, so he's calling upon his municipal workers to get out there and pitch in. "Cops, firefighters, teachers, all municipal workers should be down (in Washington) screaming, 'Pay Wall Street people more!'"
And who can argue with that? Let's get out there and March for Millionaires!
I know some of you are saying, "Why should I? What's in it for me?" Well, I can't promise that Bloomy will give you the same handjob as the wealthy, but I can guarantee you he'll be more than happy to service you in other ways during the upcoming labor negotiations. Be sure to bring the lube.
