A teachers' union in Milwaukee is fighting to have the city pay for Viagra for male teachers. However, at a time when Wisconsin's budget is hardly bulging, they simply can not afford a bulge for male teachers.
"It was a hard decision, but we'll have to say no," said a spokesperson for the city. "Those pills go for around $25 each, and that's pretty stiff," he added limply.
Richard Sagg, a veteran teacher, claimed that Viagra would be good for morale. "I'm walking around without any snap in my chalk, if you get my drift. Both my wife and my principal rated me highly ineffective this year. I think this is the least the city can do, as they've been promising to give us a raise for years."
Milwaukee officials pointed out that there are several non-prescription solutions that teachers can try, such as Horny Goat Weed. "We suggest teachers try to get it over the counter."
"If I could get it over the counter," replied Sagg, "I wouldn't need Viagra."
The impasse may soon be coming to a head. Randi Weingarten stepped in with a proposal to tie payments for Viagra to test scores. "It's not really merit pay because there's no money involved," said the AFT president. "But if a teacher's kids score big, so can he. If your students get threes and fours, why shouldn't teachers be rewarded with sixes or sevens?"
Some teachers were opposed to the idea, saying that it mostly benefited male teachers. "Just because I'm a woman, I shouldn't get penalized," said one outraged educator. Even some male teachers objected to the scheme, claiming that the state could simply make the test more difficult to avoid paying off. "If the test gets harder, we don't," said Sagg.
Arne Duncan, however, immediately embraced the idea. "It gives Race to the Top a whole new meaning," he said.