Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Drop That Chalk and Come Out With Your Feet Up!

There's a good post over at NYCEducator's blog by North Brooklyn about how everyone thinks teachers suck, and it got me to thinking (always a dangerous endeavor). My first thought was that if everyone thinks teachers sit on our behinds all day with our feet up on the desk, maybe we should do just that and see what happens. Then I thought about new teacher evaluation deal, and I knew I was on to something.

You see, the city and state have been gaming the ELA and math tests for years. The tests have gotten easier each year, to the point where my schnauzer scored a middle 2 on last year's exams (that dumb dog never could tell the difference between ironies and litotes). Anyway, the problem is that when your feet are held to the fire for student performance under the new teacher evaluation system, you'll have to improve on whatever wildly inflated grades your students achieve next year. I don't know about you, but I don't think I can wring even one more correct answer out of my schnauzer, let alone my students.

But there is good news: You have a free pass! We all do! The new evaluation system won't kick in until the school year after next (2011-2012). So here's what we should do. Let's all really put our feet up for the next year and teach nothing! And I mean nothing--especially no test prep. That way, NYC scores will plummet and we can all look forward to the 2011 school year, when we can go back to teaching and show the kind of phony improvement in scores that can usually only be accomplished by rich mayors.

Some of you may be asking what will happen if your supervisor U rates you next year for clipping your toenails in class while you're supposed to be teaching. No sweat. The following year your scores will skyrocket and you'll be subject to the new evaluation system anyway.

Of course, there is always the real danger that the state will find a new way to make the tests even easier. I know it's hard to believe that it could happen, but why else would they change testing companies? It would be a disaster if we taught nothing all year and the scores went up, but that could happen, especially since the tests don't measure any type of specific knowledge whatsoever.

In that scenario, the only winner would be my schnauzer. I promised him a box of Snausages if he gets a 3 on next year's test.


melody said...

This is a brilliant idea. At this point everybody knows teachers have no professional ethics and respond only to cattle prods anyway. They should really start living up to their reputation.

Curmudgeon said...

The problem is that skipping the test prep and actually teaching the course might make for all those improvements anyway. Going back to the test prep the year after would be the kiss of death.