Monday, January 19, 2009

Paris for US Senate

With it looking more and more like a fait accompli that Caroline Kennedy will be appointed the next US senator from New York, it's time that public spirited citizens make a last ditch effort to suggest new names to Governor Patterson in hopes that he sees the light (yeah, I said that).

Caroline has a lot going for her. She is rich, well-heeled, and a socialite heiress. While I'm sure we can all agree that those are the most important traits a prospective senator can possess, she is still missing something. For example, she has never campaigned before, so her run for re-election in 2010 is an unknown. She has some difficulty with public speaking. Her ability to raise funds for the Democratic Party has never been tested. And no one knows where she stands on this issues.

I'm offering a solution. Paris Hilton. She is rich, a socialite, and an heiress to the Hilton Hotel fortune, so she matches up well with Caroline in those respects. But Paris offers more. She has campaigned before, having made a run for the presidency in 2008. She has no difficulty with public speaking other than to call people her bitches on occasion, but that's better than a lot of "you knows" and "uhms". Paris knows how to generate cash. Finally, we do know where Paris stands. She supports gay marriage and has a comprehensive energy plan, "Barack wants to focus on new technologies to cut foreign oil dependency and McCain wants offshore drilling. Well, why don’t we do a hybrid of both candidates’ ideas? We can do limited offshore drilling with strict environmental oversight while creating tax incentives to get Detroit making hybrid and electric cars. That way the offshore drilling carries us until the new technologies kick in which will then create new jobs and energy independence. Energy crisis solved."

What's her stand on education? I'm not sure, but if I had to guess, I think she'd probably say that it's kinda hard.

Well, that's my take. Any other nominations?

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