The Boy Scout In You--Being Prepared For Monday
It is essential that you 'be prepared' for Monday, when your students will return to school. This workshop will show you what you need to do. Topics will include:
- Clockwise or Counterclockwise?: A Guide to Turning Your Key in the Classroom Door
- Switching on Lights 101 (only in schools that have electricity)
- #2 or Not #2--That is the Question: Using a pencil on your ATS sheet
Getting to Work on Monday
Sure you made it in on Friday, but you may run into more obstacles Monday when everyone else will be returning at work. Here's what you need to know about getting in on Monday, assuming you make it home on Friday:
- Cross That Bridge When You Come To It: You'll need two passengers to get on most bridges. We'll show you how to pick up hitchhikers. Topics include: 'How to tell honest strangers from mass murderers (most of the time)', 'Using your Iphone as a weapon', and 'Is that hitchhiker using his thumb to get a ride or is he just happy to see you?'
- Using Mass Transit: With many more people trying to use a crippled system, we will investigate how long it will take you to get to work on Monday. Guest speaker Mayor Bloomberg will host a special webcast instructing you on how to get your limo driver to drop you at the appropriate station.
- Running on Empty: Had just enough gas to get in on Friday, but the gas shortage leaves you high and dry on Monday? No problem! Big wigs from the DOE will show you how to siphon gas from strangers' cars. Learn from the experts--no one sucks harder than they do.
Integrating Hurricane Sandy into the Curriculum
Don't forget that every disaster is a learning opportunity! We'll examine some possible teaching ideas across the curriculum, such as:
- Math: Determine the volume of water necessary to shut down a system, and the amount of hot air generated by politicians in their self-congratulatory post-disaster press conferences.
- ELA: Examine the use of language before, during, and after Sandy. For example, when Mayor Bloomberg said last week that the schools would be open Monday despite the impending storm, was he using understatement, sarcasm, or just shit for brains? Would you classify his post-Sandy comments that only his team's swift action prevented further damage as irony or a messiah complex?
- Social Studies: Many are calling Sandy the worst disaster in NYC since 9/11. Evaluate that statement in light of Bloomberg's failed mayoralty.
- Science: Do some research into hurricanes. How do they form? How do they track the jet stream? Why do we keep calling them sissy names like Irene and Sandy, instead of really butch names, like Bruno, Atilla, or for that matter, Butch?
- Foreign Language: Evaluate--when Mayor Bloomberg concludes every press conference with a few words for our Hispanic citizens, is he doing it for the yuks? When he says "Sandy ess mooooo-eyyy peli-GROSS-a!" has soda ever shot your nose? Explain.