Rather than some lame press release like we usually get from the UFT stating how unfair the flick is, I propose that we take some of the beaucoup bucks the union collects and invest them in an anti-reform film ourselves. To get the attention we need, I propose that we hire some of Hollywood's hottest names to portray the film's main characters.
Joe K. Lion, a once proud laywer who turned into the Chancellor of Darkness once he lost his full mane of gray hair in a tragic bikini waxing accident. Determined to ruin the careers of teachers everywhere who retain any gray hair whatsoever, Chancellor Lion attempts to strip away Mr. Talk's tenure, but instead strips away his shirt to reveal a set of rock hard abs developed through years of bending over backwards to help his students. The part of the Chancellor will be played by Howie Mandell after we roll him down a jagged mountain.
This triumvirate of evil--Chancellor Joe, Shelley, and Arnie--sometimes called the Lion, the Bitch, and the Doorknob--join forces with the diabolical billionaire Mayor TurdBloom of Metropolis (who was to have been played by Gary Coleman) to bring down Mr. Talk and his dream of educating children. They hit him with a slew of fiendish initiatives, including such hellish measures as unrelenting testing, running records, conference binders. student portfolios, and PD on Brooklyn/Queens Day. Mr. Talk and his abs are almost defeated when he remembers his ally, Randy Winebottle (portrayed by the Gollum). Mr. Talk believes that Randy can help, and she offers him a magic scroll. Imagine Mr. Talk's horror as he takes the paper and sees the words "2005 Contract" scrawled across the top in blood.
Will Mr. Talk triumph in his quest to give students a decent education? Or will they become educational zombies, staggering to school each day brandishing a fistful of sharpened #2 pencils to do the bidding of the evil deformers? And is there enough liposuction in the world for Miss Rhee be able to fit her ass through the door?