Friday, November 25, 2011

I'm a Public School Teacher

I've been thinking about retirement lately. I'll need something to do, as shuffleboard leaves me cold.

While watching X Factor this week, I thought it might be great to become a rapper. It seems easy enough, in the sense that you don't really have to sing. The hours are short, and I think it'd be great to wear a clock around my neck, as I can hardly see the numerals on my watch anymore without my reading glasses. So I wrote the rap below. I was thinking about making my own video, but I was all out of Cristal. If anyone wants to record this, I'd be happy to post the video.

I’m a public school teacher.

I plan my lessons with rigor and teach them with vigor
No chalk and talk, I’ve got teach and walk
I’m child centered, self directed,
Technology enabled, Internet connected.
I group heterogeneously, homogeneously, and even alphabetically.
I hold small group discussions with classes of thirty four
I teach mini-lessons, big ideas, small moments and more.
I’m over crowded, overworked, over taxed and overlooked
I'm under supplied with pencils and books.
I spend out of pocket for my own supplies
What I can’t afford, I improvise.
My pockets are empty but my briefcase is full.
With grade books and tests papers and all kinds of bull.
I get observed, evaluated, walked through, walked on,
Talked to, talked at, pissed off, dumped on,
I get PD in the PM of every half day.
I’m POed that I have to teach extended day.
I teach ELA, ESL, Gen Ed, and CTT,
From ADD to ADHD to just plain crazy,
All jammed in one room, packed like sardines.
Jammin' to my rituals and my routines.

I’m a public school teacher.

I’m a man with a plan, I’ve got a lesson in hand
Competing for attention with adolescent glands.
I check for homework, attendance, understanding, participation,
Abuse, neglect, frustration and sedation.
I aim high with my Aim, to the point of obsession,
I always frame it in the form of a question.
My questions are motivational, my Do Nows inspirational,
When the AP drops by, I start getting perspirational.
We analyze, memorize, hypothesize, synthesize.
I differentiate, evaluate, discriminate, and formulate.
I integrate technology and practice amateur psychology.
I teach biography and chronology from my anthology.
I’ve gone from blackboard, to chalkboard, to white board, to Smart board.
I’ve even got an up to date, standards based bulletin board,
Backing paper, border paper, borderline papers, exemplary papers.
Tasks and rubrics, chart paper, word wall,
A fire chart that says exit left down the hall.
Fire drills, wind drills,and rapid dismissals,
Warning bells, passing bells, late bells and whistles.

I’m a public school teacher

I’m a traffic cop. Stay to the right! Stop when I say stop!
Don’t go down the up, or up the down,
Don’t stand around like a circus clown.
Don’t be a bully. And don’t you harass!
Where’s your pass? Now get to class!
I’ll check your latenesses, your absences, your cuts, and more.
You check your attitude at my door.
Give me your homework, your assignment, your report,
Whatever I ask for, keep the snotty retort.
Give me your attention, undivided, with a side of respect.
Give me your answers, provided your sure they’re correct.
But don’t give me an attitude, an excuse, or guff
Or anything less than you’re capable of.
Come in, settle down, don’t talk, now turn and talk,
Partner talk, group talk, but for God’s sake, don’t talk!
Why? Because this will be graded! Because I said no!
Because I’ll call your mom! Because I said so!
Raise your hand, don’t call out, and not too loud!
Figure out the answer and make me proud!

I’m a public school teacher.

I go to Parent/Teacher conferences and monthly staff meetings,
I go to dances and pageants with themes of Seasons Greetings
I go to sports and assemblies, games, and plays,
Most of all I go to extremes most days.
I’ve been cursed out, lied to, jacked up, run around,
Told off, told on, told tales, and calmed down.
But you can't discourage me, because one thing I've found is...
I’m a public school teacher.
Don’t ask me why I do what I do.
Just get yourself a pencil--number two.
Here's a pop quiz--let me ask you:
Which of the following statements is true?
A. Teachers are completely out of their minds
B. It has to be a labor of love
C. We just can't stand to see a child left behind
D. ALL of the above

Word. Look it up in the dictionary.


Fas Eddy said...

When u retire, da DOE they hire,
Don't get left in da lurch,
apply fo' Talent and research!

Pissedoffteacher said...


Anonymous said...

Fantastic..if its all right, would love to link to my blog..this is great.

Mr. Talk said...

You sure can, Tracie! And how are your rapping skills?

harvey said...

Mr. Talk
Thank you for that awesome job description! You captured the real deal.

Anonymous said...

rapping skills are sub par..but creative writing as well just writing = excellent. I am especially good at showing the ineptness of principals. I have a gift. : )

I am in the middle of working on a few parody songs on my own, but those creative writing juices and the beat take time.

burntoutteacher said...


lightspring said...

Good rap, but the slurring of an entire form of music isn't well done.

If it helps, compare the artistic skill of mainstream rappers you don't like with the acting ability of Reese Witherspoon, the creative genius of Michael Bay, or the humility of JK Rowling.

Ms. George said...

Absofreakinglutely Amazing, Mr. Talk!

zulma said...

I'm sharing this rap with my colleagues. You're better than Biggie Small, Heavy D, Tupak, and Vanilla ICE.

Peace out!

Mr. Talk said...

Thanks, Zulma! I love vanilla ice! (we're talking Italian ices here, aren't we?)

Please share the rap... I can always use more readers. I'm still waiting for someone to record this. Maybe one of your colleagues will step up!

Ms L said...

Wow, its like you're in my building!! This is going on the English Dept fridge in the morning! :)

BronxEnglish said...

I'm going to put this up all over my school!!!!!!!!
Way to represent da teachiz, Mr. Talk! Represent!

Anonymous said...

Do you teach in Pittsburgh...or do we ALL have to deal with these crazy terms? Do you teach at an America's Choice school?

Carol Lee said...

I can tell that you are a cool teacher and a talented too. Kudos to all public teachers, i know being one is not easy buy totally regarding. 

accredited online universities