Fixing the Schools, in Five Easy Steps! Step Five--Fire All Administrators

What's the difference between you and your administrator? Not much. You both have degrees, and if you've been around a while, you have a master's, too, just like the person who supervises you. Some admins are far less qualified to make educational decisions than you, such as those who come from the "Leadership Academy". So how come they make so much more money than you? (You can find out just how much more here, at a creepy site I discovered by visiting Ms. Brave's blog.

So I say, let's fire them. Yes, all of them. Let's replace them with some of the business people who've recently lost their jobs thanks to the Bush economy. Their only function would be to run the building--a task they are far more adept at than principals. We'd pay them with the money now being spent on parent coordinators, who would become obsolete. Then let's leave the real work of educating children to the people who understand it--the teachers themselves.

Sounds crazy? I don't think it is. Let's talk cost first. There are roughly 1200 principals and another 4000 or so APs. Let's say their average salary is $110,000. If we assume the salary of the average teacher is $65,000, that would mean we could hire 8800 teachers (we might even consider letting some of the principals and APs apply, but only the nice ones). With those additional teachers, we could do two things: reduce class size, and reduce the number of teaching periods from 25 to 22, giving each teacher an additional three periods in which to do the work of the lost lamented admins.

I know, I know--you have enough to do without adding more jobs on top. But remember--a professional is running the business end of the school. You'll use your three additional free periods to meet with parents, plan lessons, order books, observe your peers, and so on. Because teachers will be running things, we can throw out time wasters such as keeping a teacher assessment notebook or other educational gimmicks.

There are some details to be worked out here, such as who does the hiring, firing, evaluating, etc., but I think these can be done by committee or some other arrangement.

If you're still not convinced, look at the numbers:

• Parent coordinators at $40,000 each: $48 million
  
• Principals and APs at an average of $110,000: $572 million
• The look on your ex-supervisor's face when he or she realizes you're on the hiring commitee: Priceless

The Shoe Solution

Any day that starts with a news article about people throwing shoes at a picture of Mayor Bloomberg is a good day. Pro-Palestinian protesters launched a barrage of Blahniks at the photo, drawing cheers from teachers across the city.

My question is, why can't we teachers do this ourselves? All these lame candlelight vigils have done nothing for us. Let's go for the shoe solution!!! The UFT should organize a huge Shoe-In, calling all teachers to hop down to City Hall, one shoe in hand, and begin firing our Ferragamos (or in my case, flinging my Frye boots) at a picture of the mayor. Think of it--80,000 shoes pelting a picture of Hizzoner and strewn across the steps of City Hall.

Some of the more radical of you are probably asking why we don't just hurl our shoes at the mayor himself, as the Iraqi reporter did to Bush. It's illegal, and would give Bloomy a reason punish us all on the spot. I hate the thought of 80,000 shoeless teachers crammed into the rubber rooms. Maybe Randi could chuck her Chanels at the mayor for us in a symbolic act of defiance.

Oh, well, I can dream, can't I?

Fixing the Schools, in Five Easy Steps! Step Four--Attracting and Keeping the Best Teachers

I always hate news stories and editorials that proclaim that we must start hiring the best teachers, as if the ones we have now are chopped liver. I'd estimate that of all the teachers I've ever worked with, I would be satisfied with about 80% of them teaching my own child. Another 10% I'd be ambivalent about, and the final 10% I wouldn't want near my flesh and blood. I think that's actually a fine ratio.

Still, there's always room for improvement. The obvious answer is to pay more; there is fierce competition for teacher vacancies on Long Island, with hundreds of candidates applying for each job. In NYC, recruitment has always been a chore, with low pay and poor conditions being the major hurdles. We've had recruitment drives in foreign countries, including Spain, Japan, and for all I know, Borneo.

More pay, however, won't solve the problem all by itself. Surrounding districts would merely jack up their own pay scales and start skimming off the top again. So, what to do? Start with accomplishing steps one, two, and three of this series, to wit, eliminating senseless educational gimmicks, enforcing discipline, and reducing class size. All those steps would make teaching in NYC a lot more attractive.

Nevertheless, these steps alone may not be enough. So, as part of my never-ending drive to replace Joel Klein as school's chancellor, I came up with a few more ideas that would attract teachers in droves:

• Keep Tenure. Tenure is one of the best things about teaching. Even in down economies, teachers are generally safe. Furthermore, tenure makes teachers think about the possibility of teaching as a career, not the pit stop that such farces as Teaching Fellows and Teach for America are turning the profession into. The bogus argument that tenure keeps bad teachers in place is absurd. Admins have three years to fire anyone not up to snuff. I could go to a strange school and tell you who all the good teachers are in three days. Any admin who can't figure that out in three years should be fired himself.
• Give teachers autonomy. Let us pick our own texts, and teach in our own way, as long as we are getting the job done. Simply put, treat us as professionals. More on this in Step 5.
  
• Make schools safer. No one likes parking in the morning and saying a little prayer that their car will still be there at 3PM. And speaking of cars....
• Give teachers parking. It sounds like a small thing, but making the block surrounding a school a "Teacher's Only" zone would instantly make many schools more attractive places to work. Michael Bloomberg, who gets driven to the subway in his chauffeured SUV each morning, decided to reduce the number of teacher parking placards from 63,000 to 11,000. If he really wants to attract and retain teachers, he would increase the number of actual spots from 10,000 to 80,000.
• Restore seniority rights. If you want to keep people around, reward them for it. Simple.

That's what I came up with. Any other suggestions out there? What other measures can we take to attract and retain the best teachers?

Confessions of a {gasp!} Happy Teacher

I fully realize that this blog has a decidedly cranky tone. I can only say in my defense is that it's due to me being decidedly cranky. Yet...I have to confess....

I like teaching. Despite all the crap we have to put up with, I wouldn't want to do any other job. I feel this sense of--dare I say it--cheerfulness even as we approach the return to school tomorrow. This feeling was solidified when I read a post by Pissed Off Teacher that said pretty much what was going on inside of me.

So here's to all of us, who will return to work tomorrow with a smile beneath the grimace. Enjoy!

PS: I promise to return to my old cranky self ASAP.

Fixing the Schools, in Five Easy Steps! Step Three--Reduce Class Size

OK, I know reducing class size is a no-brainer. But as the people running the schools have no brains and still have not done this, perhaps it's time for someone with a brain to step in. (I'm available, Mr. Mayor. Call me.)

Reducing class size is the only sure fire way to improve student performance. Almost everything else is a gimmick. I've spent most of my career teaching classes in excess of thirty students, and sometimes far in excess. I've also taught in so-called 'triad' classes in which three teachers split up two classes, giving each teacher roughly 22 students. Guess which way worked better?

Decreasing class size will also improve teacher quality dramatically. It's a simple fact that teaching 35 kids is hard, which is why Joel Klein and Michelle Rhee fled the field as soon as they could. Teaching 22, while not easy, lightens the burden considerably, especially in terms of planning, grouping, and giving individualized attention. Discipline problems float away. Real teaching occurs.

Many high powered education pundits (by which I mean know-nothings) regularly discount class size as a factor. Oddly, most of these individuals are extremely wealthy and send their children to private schools--schools that trumpet their low class sizes as a major plus. I've never heard a millionaire say, "Hey! That public school has 35 kids per class! Let me send Muffy there!"

The main problem in tackling class size is money. It simply costs more to hire more teachers and build more schools. While I don't have all the answers, I do know that it would cost less to lower class sizes nationwide than it is costing us to bail out a bunch of multi-millionaires who invested in unintelligible mortgage-backed securities.

And I do have a plan for getting more teachers into the classroom at virtually zero cost. Unfortunately, it's also a no-brainer, so it's unlikely that it will ever be implemented. Still, I have hope.

Fixing the Schools, in Five Easy Steps! Step Two--Enforce Discipline

Despite announcing my candidacy for the chancellor's job in yesterday's post, I have yet to hear from Mayor Bloomberg. I suspect he is just being coy. Or perhaps he's waiting for Governor Patterson to appoint Caroline Kennedy to the vacant US Senate seat, which is now apparently a done deal. The mayor knows I am a strong proponent of Ms. Kennedy, and waiting for her to take office would give him the political cover necessary to make the bold decision to appoint someone who actually knows something about education as chancellor.

Whatever the case, it's time to shore up my candidacy by introducing step two of my plan to fix the schools: Enforce discipline.

Now, the mayor might argue that the schools already have an elaborate disciplinary code (by which I mean it weighs more than a Harry Potter novel). But the enforcement system is so convoluted that the only way the code would have any real effect on discipline is if you rolled it up and threatened to strike a student over the head with it.

My proposal is much simpler: Put the needs of the many ahead of the needs of the few. The vast majority of students have at least the basic skills needed to function in a classroom. Yet there are always a few who simply can not control themselves. Our traditional method of dealing with these kids is to give a phone call home, a referral to the AP or dean, or in extreme cases, an in-school suspension, during which they can pal around with their miscreant friends. Then, they are returned to the classroom where they can start the process of disrupting the education of the rest of their classmates all over again.

I don't propose a sea change in handling discipline. Teachers should handle all of the problems they can through traditional methods, and then send the problem up the ladder. But when it becomes clear that one or two students are preventing the others from learning, we need to begin--drumroll--suspending them out of school.

Yeah, yeah, I know. These students have rights. Unfortunately, these students also trample all over the rights of kids who come to school to learn. When rights come into conflict, someone has to win and someone has to lose. I propose that the losers should be the rule-breakers for a change. Send them home and let their parents deal with them. Trust me, when parents have to start missing work or other activities, you'll see their children straighten up and fly right pronto.

I'm not unsympathetic to children who have ADD, ADHD, CCCP, or any of the other acrostic maladies that prevent them from functioning in a regular classroom. But if they have such issues, they should be helped in an appropriate environment, and not be allowed to use their problems as an excuse to run rampant in a classroom.

This could all take place easily if we did one simple thing--stop punishing schools who suspend students. The number of suspensions shows up on those idiotic school report cards, giving principals a disincentive to suspend anyone for anything less than class A felonies. As things stand now, we actually reward principals for NOT reporting serious incidents. Whoever thought up that idea should be battered about the head and neck with a rolled up copy of the discipline code.

Fixing The Schools, In 5 Easy Steps! Step One--Stop the Gimmicks

Joel Klein and Mayor Bloomberg can't last forever, thank goodness, so I thought I'd start my campaign to be the new schools chancellor right now. What qualifies me? For one thing, I have about ten times more teaching experience than Klein, Michelle Rhee, and Caroline Kennedy combined. For another thing, I think fixing the schools will be easy. Not cheap, but easy.

The first thing we need to do costs nothing: Let's stop the gimmicks. Gimmicks are the first resort of the clueless. For example, the latest and most damaging gimmick is to close schools. Closing schools accomplishes less than zero. It upsets parents, disrupts the education of the students, and displaces countless good teachers. Unfortunately, it looks good for the politicians and pundits. "That school was failing, so we closed it!" they say, as they scurry away to some educational jaunt in Bermuda.

Let me say this so that even Bloomklein can understand it. Closing schools does nothing to fix them. The same children--with the same parents--will attend them, and the same social and economic problems will still exist. Unless you fix the underlying problems, nothing will be accomplished. More on how to address these problems in future posts.

Another gimmick that is very popular today is the collection of data. If you walk into almost any school and ask to see the teacher assessment notebooks (TANs) of just about any math or English teacher, you will most likely be presented with a telephone-book-sized binder stuffed to the breaking point with data about each student. It takes so much time to collect all this data that there is precious little time left to do the real work of teaching. The dirty little secret of education is that virtually no one actually uses TANs to help plan; they are mostly kept for hauling out purposes when admins and school evaluators come to visit.

Speaking of data, ARIS and Acuity are computer systems (i.e., gimmicks) that cost a lot of money, while still managing to be almost totally useless. The DOE can say things like "We spent 80 million on a data collection system to help students achieve!" when they should be saying "We spent 80 million dollars on this??? What the hell were we thinking?"

The list of gimmicks goes on and on. School report cards, white boards, group instruction for every waking moment...you get the idea.

I'd like to hear your most hated education gimmick. Feel free to post it to the comments section. If you leave your name, I will show my appreciation when I am chancellor by instructing your principal to hound you until a 3020-A hearing sounds like a walk on the beach. No, wait--that's how it's done now. Never mind.